Comment Wall
I have created a Storybook on the new google sites. I plan on doing a storybook about the one of the most ill-fated hero's of the Mahabharata, Karna.
Image Details: Karna, Source: Wikimedia
Here is the link.
Week 3 Story: Ahalya, the Witch
Image Details: Ahalya, Source: Wikimedia It was a dark, chilly night. Sam looked at Ram, “We’re going to be late!” Ram looked at Sam with an annoyed look. “It’s because of you that we’re in this mess. If we just took the highway, we would have been at the party by now.” Sam averted his gaze away from Ram. He knew Ram was right, but he couldn’t let him have that satisfaction. He threw his hands up in the air, “I give up! I can’t get any cell reception so let’s just wait in the car till the rain stops. Then we can go and find someone who can help us.” Ram nodded and turned the car off. He locked the doors and reclined his chair back, closing his eyes. Sam grabbed his bag, pulled out his book and began reading. An hour later, the rain stopped, hu...
Hey Rachana! Your new website and introduction are great! One thing you should add to the homepage is a link to your comment wall so it is easier to find it. In your sentence that reads "His character is often associated with traits of loyalty, sacrifice, friendship and, duty." the comma can either be removed or moved before the "and." The new sentence would read "...friendship, and duty..." or "...friendship and duty..." The next sentence after that has the word "that" twice in a row by mistake. In the sentence that reads "Karna was born with golden earrings and a strong amour which are often associated with Karna’s strength." the word amour is used. Amour means love affair, I think the word you meant to use was armor. In the sentence that reads "I will primarily look at the events that led to Karna and Duryodhana to have a strong friendship." the word "to" before the name "Karna" should be removed. Or the "to" after the name "Duryodhana" could be removed and an "ing" could be added to the word "have." Overall it is a great intro and I look forward to reading more from you in the future Rachana!
ReplyDeleteI think you have a fantastic idea! I also agree that you should add a link to your comment page. I don't know if you're interested or not, but you can make a link with a picture even. It sounds fancy and I've thought about doing it for mine, but I haven't settled on a picture yet. I also caught where you spelled amour and I sat there for a good second trying to figure out what it meant. I love the banner image on both pages! I'm very interested in reading how you view Karna and how you tell his story. I didn't think the Mahabharata gave super great character development very much for anyone. I currently view Duryodhana as a terrible character, maybe you can change that? There's two sides to every story. I'm most interested in how you present Karna's loyalty and the back story behind that.
ReplyDeleteHi Rachana,
ReplyDeleteIt is a great idea to focus in on the story of Karna and Duryodhana. Their relationship is essential to the story of the Mahabharata and truly portrays what it means to be loyal but still have consequences due to that loyalty. Your page is very clean and neat. The colors match well and you definitely bring about some serenity within it. I really love how you are planning to introduce new concepts into the story that others may not realize. The PDE and Narayan's book did not discover these relationships well, which is why I also did some extra reading on Karna. He is such a vital piece to the story but is undermined by the other details. I am so glad that you are exploring this. Your introduction was very clear and straightforward. I wish you could add some more visuals of Karna and his earrings and armour. Providing this information along with any other background is essential to creating a story so that any minor details are not left out. You could even introduce both Karna and Duryodhana in a fun way, whether it is in first or third person. I look forward to encountering your stories in the future!
Hi hi Rachana,,
ReplyDeleteI am not good at writing, but one thing that I know from someone who is good at writing, although I must take his word for it, since I don't know if he's good at writing, because I don't know what good writing looks like, is to vary the sentence structure in your writing. Your first paragraph in the childhood story is all simple sentences, make some complex, compound, and complex-compound sentences. It is at the very least, a competent telling of events, you should expand from that. However, if you want to keep with your current mode of writing, I would suggest that you add in humor. Humor is probably the easiest thing to do well in writing, not that I would know, since I'm band at writing, and I like to string together dependent clauses into technically correct but incoherent messes, refrigerator, refrigerator. Just highlight some goofy moments or something, it’ll “pizzaz” your writing “make it really “jam” and be “super balla”. At the very least, it’ll make your writing less water flavored.
Oh! Superball!
Hi Rachana. I love how you wrote his story. Reading the Mahabharata, I was not a huge fan of Karna. He rubbed me the wrong way. I found him annoying, and I never understood his actions. I love that you have reclaimed his character and made him more understandable. Through out all your little stories of his childhood, I just wanted to give him a hug. He just wanted to improve himself, or was going about his day and life was out to get him. He could not catch a break. He never had malicious intent or anything. I'm interested to see what you will write as his breaking point. Something has to send him over the edge to act out. It would be relatable if it was something so much smaller than being repeated cursed by people around him. It always the small things that break the camel's back.
ReplyDeleteHi Rachana,
ReplyDeleteI have enjoyed reading your first story “Karna’s Childhood”. You are a great writer and I enjoyed hearing more about Karna’s childhood that is not provided in the epic. The beginning of your story reminds me of the story of Moses being found in a box on the river. For me that set the scene of how things would have looked like and how people would have dressed. One question I have from reading the story that you might think of expanding on is the biting of the bug. Parasurama immediately knows that he is a kshatriya because he could withstand the pain, but how does he know this? Is there a special trait that all kshatriya’s have that helps them withstand pain? One other comment is at the beginning on that same paragraph you state the same idea twice. You have written “One day while training, while Karna and Parasurama are training, Parasurama becomes tired and asks a request…” You can take one of the trainings out.
I thought your story was excellent. I enjoyed it very much. I thought it was interesting that you chose to create a story about Karna. He plays an exciting role in the original story. You did an excellent job concerning the story progression of the character. It was interesting that you concealed Karna's identity, but then later revealed it by showing that he was someone different then he thought he was. It made for a compelling story. I wonder what the story would be like if Parasurama took his curse back. Would this have changed anything in the overall story? I also thought that the part about Indra attempting to make Karna wake Parasurama was cool. I wonder what would happen if Karna did wake Parasurama if Karna's situation would have changed any. Would it affect him finding out that he is a Sutaputra. Regardless, it took a lot of strength to resist the pain from Indra being a bug and biting him.
ReplyDeleteHi Rachana! I enjoyed reading your story. It was truly entertaining and fun to read. I read "Karna's Childhood". It was nice to get some more perspective on Karna. Especially from your story. You made Karna more relatable. I enjoy your writing style. Mostly because I find it easy to read. Also, while reading the story I was thinking about who Karna's love interest could be. Will you introduce them later? I'd look forward to a story about that. I like what you have created and can't wait to read more about Karna. I want to see him represented in a better light. His role in the original story was great but I want to see what you have to tell.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to coming back and reading the continuation of your story.
Hey Rachana, first thing I want to say is that I think it's really cool that you are focusing of Karna, since he did not play a huge role in the stories that we've read. I'm excited to explore his life and see how different it was from his brothers'. I think your intro does a good job of telling us what to expect and explaining a bit of the background information required for this project. Going into your stories, I like the organization that you have so far. The fact that you started with the birth of Karna is appropriate and super helpful for those of us who don't know much about him. Building on from there should be easier cause we'll have a notion of his start and we'll be able to attribute certain actions back to him. Good luck with the project, looking forward to seeing what else you have in store.
ReplyDeleteHello Rachana,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your second story of your storybook, Karna's Childhood. The beginning of how Krishna is found reminds me of the story of Moses. They are both floating down a river in a basket to be picked up by a family that is meant to raise them. I like that you have modeled your story around one from the epic. I also like that you focused on Karna’s childhood since it is not emphasized in the original story. Your writing is very clear and descriptive. This makes it very easy to follow along and understand the flow of the story. It is interesting to see that the choices Karna takes in his childhood effect his adult life. I wonder if him being adopted into a family affected or shaped him or his decision making in anyway.
Hey Rachana,
ReplyDeleteI really did enjoy that you chose to tell the story of Karna and his life, as I felt like the mahabharata really glanced over his character. I was really impressed with how Karna, even though being that of a lower class, still woke up every morning and treated everyone with respect and care. I still feel awful that Indra continued to harass Karna and resulted in Karna receiving many different curses at such a young age. I wonder if Karna ever figures everything out on his own, and how that situation unfolded. Maybe after bleeding all over his teacher, Karna sits down for a awhile and goes through the typical "Am I? No way. I'm a normal kid, right?" scene that most heroes/antiheroes go through whenever they discover their origin/powers. Nonetheless, I am very excited to read more of your work, as I really enjoy how you tell interesting and original stories over characters that are not as dominant in the entire epic. Great work!